If you would be so kind,
Put on those red hot pants and take a stroll through my mind
-The B-52s,
“Hot Pants Explosion”

Sadly, these pants do not magically make me look hot.

Imma gonna say that again. These are not magic pants.

What they are:

HOTPANTS™ are specially designed sports shorts that contain bio-ceramic technology, which emits far infrared rays and reflects back the heat naturally generated by the body to deliver warming up of tissue deep below the skin’s surface.

In layman’s terms, Zaggora HotPants are pants that retain and reflect back your own body heat.

They are not magic pants.

I’ve seen them blasted here and there by people who scoff that “pants aren’t gonna make you lose weight.” Well, duh. Neither are yoga mats. Neither are new running shoes or a fancy stationary bike. YOU make you lose weight, with exercise and dietary common sense.

The company says that you should wear the pants 30 minutes a day while you exercise. That, right there, is a recipe for weight loss. But they also say:

HOTPANTS™ delivers best results when used in conjunction with exercise and worn consistently. The effectiveness of the product depends on the quality of your exercise routine and the consistency of use. The harder you work at it, the harder HOTPANTS™ will work at it.

They are not magic pants and make no claim to be.

What Zaggora HotPants are, are a TOOL to help you trim your waist, muffin top, butt and thighs. They make you sweat more (holy cow, do they ever. They feel like they weigh 10 pounds when I take them off). Seeing how they made me sweat more, made me do ever more intensive cardio as I developed a sick fascination with just how sweaty I could get them.

I wore them every day for two weeks as I worked out with Jillian Michaels and her 30 Day Shred, cursing colorfully at the screen the whole way. I had a shake for breakfast, fruit and kefir for lunch, a snack with the kids when they got home from school, and a sensible dinner.

And then I measured myself again. I’ve lost an impressive 1.5 inches on my waist, people. My bum and thighs don’t measure any differently, which surprised me actually; they look leaner. Maybe it’s just more muscley under the skin or something (I didn’t need to lose a whole lot to begin, I was just looking to firm up). My muffin top looks less muffiny. I’m thinking that 1.5 inches is probably pretty unusual, and has something to do with the fact that I’ve been working for a while and my efforts are starting to really pay off. Whatever. I’m pretty stoked.

Is it the magic of the pants? No, it’s the magic of exercise and Jillian Michaels and strategic eating and HotPants. Because it was peeling the dang things off everyday that gave me extra motivation to do those daily workout and really push— no resting, no half-assing the movements.

I don’t know. I think that’s a sort of magic. Sure, you can say that you don’t NEED the pants to lose inches. It’s true. But if buying them provides the motivation to work daily, work hard? There ain’t nothing wrong with that, friends. In fact I thought about buying a second pair when I saw them on sale as a Groupon, because they do need to be handwashed and it just seemed easier that way.

Jeff points out that they are essentially the same concept as the plastic bags he would wear under his clothes before wrestling matches to cut weight. This is true; the number on the scale is revealing a weight loss that is mostly water. (My number on the scale has dropped 5 pounds since the beginning of this experiment as well, but that doesn’t mean a whole lot to me. Again, I was looking to tone up, not drop weight.)

However, HotPants are a lot more stylish than wearing plastic bags. Just sayin’. They are high-waisted, which makes you look slimmer under your gym top but does not accommodate your pedometer very well. They feel like what I imagine light scuba gear must feel like, if such a thing exists. They’re not heavy or uncomfortable, just a bit of a pain to pull on and peel off.

My skin looks and feels smoother in the covered areas. I’m going to assume that’s because I’m essentially soaking them in salt water everyday for an hour at a time.

DO ZAGGORA HOTPANTS MAKE YOU LOSE WEIGHT?

Maybe, but just short-term water weight. So if you need to weigh in for a wrestling match, great. If you need to get into a bridesmaids dress in two weeks that doesn’t fit quite right, maybe. Long term? NO. You need to make lifestyle choices for that. These pants are a great motivator and feedback generator to start you on that journey, and perhaps to maintain your enthusiasm, but they’re just pants. They don’t perform miracles.

IF I START WEARING THEM TODAY, WILL I FIT IN A NEW YEAR’S EVE DRESS TWO SIZES SMALLER?

I don’t know, maybe if you ate only broccoli, exercised 5 hours a day and wore them around the clock. Why the hell would you want to do that? It’s Christmastime, not the time to be denying yourself. Buy a dress that flatters the figure you have now, and can be taken in later.

DO YOU RECOMMEND THEM?

I like ’em. I do. I wear them all the time. They make a swishy sound when I walk, like track pants, but Jake pointed out that at the gym it’s loud enough that the only person who notices is me. And even then, they’re probably distracted by the giant DJ headphones I’m wearing, so who cares?

I’m thinking they’d be a nice motivator for those pesky new year’s resolutions.

They’re not cheap, about 70 bucks, but the Groupon was $26, I think. If I see it at that price again I probably will buy another pair.

Any other questions? Line ’em up, I’m ready.

Disclosure: I received a pair of HotPants as part of the #HotinHotPants Mom Bloggers Club campaign. All thoughts and opinions are my own.

More info: check out Zaggora’s website, follow Zaggora on Twitter and/or ‘like’ on the Facebook. Oh hey, they’re 25% off for Christmas.