Category: Books & Writing

  • The Lorax: starring Zac Efron as The Boy & Taylor Swift as his love interest. Um, what?

    The Lorax: starring Zac Efron as The Boy & Taylor Swift as his love interest. Um, what?

    new lorax

    “I repeat,” cried the Lorax,
    “I speak for the trees!”

    “I’m busy,” I told him.
    “Shut up, if you please.”

    It seems like for every one children’s movie they get right, five go horribly, horribly wrong.

    Quite some time ago I heard they were making a CGI version of the primer for budding environmentalists: Dr. Seuss’ The Lorax. This is one of Cass’s favorite books; one that I’ve read so many times to three children over a decade that I can probably recite it from memory.

    Which is to say: there is no way I will avoid seeing this movie in theaters.

    I moaned and groaned about how Hollywood seems incapable of coming up with anything new, to be sure. I probably said something along the lines of, “The original is a classic.” Because at heart I am a cantankerous old man.

    But Jim Carrey wasn’t involved, and I’m sure the visuals will be stunning, so I kept the grousing to a fair minimum.

    Then a few months ago I heard that Danny Devito was to be the “sharpish and bossy” voice of the Lorax, with his “sawdusty sneeze.” This I approved of.

    I saw Despicable Me, and enjoyed it much more than I expected, so I was not terribly upset to hear that both the co-director and art director of the upcoming Lorax also worked on that film.

    And now…

    The animated adventure follows the journey of a boy as he searches for the one thing that will enable him to win the affection of the girl of his dreams. To find it he must discover the story of the Lorax, the grumpy yet charming creature who fights to protect his world.

    Also bringing their talents to the film are global superstars Zac Efron as Ted, the idealistic young boy who searches for the Lorax, and Taylor Swift as Audrey, the girl of Ted’s dreams. Rob Riggle will play financial king O’Hare, and beloved actress Betty White has signed on to portray Ted’s wise Grammy Norma.

    taylor swift character in The Lorax

    Yes, I get that they had to flesh out the story a bit to fill two hours. But you know what? They got so caught up in “biggering, and biggering, and BIGGERING” the storyline, that they totally missed the point of the story.

    I know what you are thinking.

    Now listen here, Dad!
    All you do is yap-yap and say, ‘Bad! Bad! Bad! Bad!’

    This is an important distinction to make.

    Dr. Seuss handed the power to change the world directly into the hands of children.

    UNLESS someone like you
    cares a whole awful lot,
    nothing is going to get better.
    It’s not.

    By aging the main character old enough to have a “girl of his dreams,” Universal has taken that power away. They made saving the earth the realm of the older kid. Who, apparently, is doing it to win her affection.

    They have completely ruined the essence of the story.

    Dude, that sucks.

    Yap-yap. Bad, bad, bad, bad.

    ——————————————————————–

    Press release here.

  • Oxymoronica by Dr. Mardy Grothe

    Oxymoronica: Paradoxical Wit & Wisdom From History’s Greatest Wordsmiths, is quite possibly the most fun in book form that I’ve had all year.
    Oxymoronica is a term created by the author, combining:

    Erotica. Literature or art that is intended to arouse sexual desire.
    Exotica. Things that are curiously unusual or excitingly strange.

    with the word oxymoron:

    In ancient Greek oxus means “sharp or pointed” and moros means “dull, stupid, or foolish.” So oxymoron is itself an oxymoron, literally meaning ” a sharp dullness” or “pointed foolishness.”….The best examples of oxymoronica don’t contain a simple contradiction in terms; they contain what might be described as a contradiction of ideas.

    I’m sorry, but if you did not find that passage extremely sexy, perhaps this is not the blog for you. To me, the proclaimed uber-booknerd, lover of the clever turn of phrase, this book borders on word porn. (I so hope that last sentence does not provoke all sorts of vulgar Google ads. Please tell me if it did.)

    Like my beloved Thoreau, Dr. Grothe has written a book to be savored in small bites, so I’m just offered up an appetizer tray of quotes this morning. Bon appetit!

    Architecture is frozen music.
    -Goethe

    Tragedy is if I cut my finger.
    Comedy is if I walk into an open sewer and die.

    -Mel Brooks

    We think about sex obsessively except during the act,
    when our minds tend to wander
    .
    -Howard Nemerov

    Criticism is always a kind of compliment.
    -John Maddox

    Loneliness is now so widespread it has become, paradoxically, a shared experience.
    -Alvin Toffler

    There will come a time when you believe everything is finished.
    That will be the beginning.
    -Louis L’Amour

  • Henry David Thoreau’s Walden

    I am still wending my way, slowly, deliciously, through Walden.

    I so fervently wish that, like Thoreau, I could go off and stake out a piece of land, cut my own lumber to build my own cozy little abode. I will have to be content with slinging Jeff’s machete to take down the vines squeezing the life out of my trees. Except I’m not allowed to play with the machete. Or the axe.

    My favorite part, as a child, was how he tallied up the costs of building his house on the land he claimed “by squatter’s right”:

    Boards………………………………………$8.03, mostly shanty boards.
    Refuse shingles for roof and sides 4.00
    Laths………………………………………….1.25
    Two second-hand windows
    with glass……………………………2.43
    One thousand old brick………………4.00
    Two casks of lime……………………….2.40 That was high.
    Hair…………………………………………….0.31 More than I needed.
    Mantle-tree iron…………………………0.15
    Nails……………………………………………3.90
    Hinges and screws………………………0.14
    Latch…………………………………………..0.10
    Chalk…………………………………………..0.01
    Transportation……………………………1.40
    I carried a good part on my back.

    In all………………………………..$28.12 1/2

    It was with particular delight that I encountered this passage again. It was just as I remembered it; for some reason that doesn’t happen a lot when I reread childhood favorites. The telling is shifted and changed in my memory, by time and circumstance.

    Anyway, the boards were recycled from a shanty that Thoreau buys for $4.25, after a particularly pretty recounting of his experience hewing and mortising the main timbers (no, I don’t know what that means, but it sounds manly). He reflects that

    “They were pleasant spring days, in which the winter of man’s discontent was thawing as well as the earth, and the life that had lain torpid began to stretch itself.”

    He sees a snake “run into the water” and lay there for a long period of time, because it had yet to leave the torpid state. He muses,

    “It appeared to me that for a like reason men remain in their present low and primitive condition; but if they should feel the influence of the spring of springs arousing them, they would of necessity ride to a higher and more ethereal life.”

    In the next paragraph, he describes the shanty he is about to purchase from James Collins;

    “James Collins’ shanty was considered to be an uncommonly fine one….The roof was the soundest part, a good deal warped and made brittle by the sun. Doorsill there was none, but a perennial passage for the hens under the door-board…It was dark, and had a dirt floor for the most part, dank, clammy, and aguish.”

    Ah, yes, it does sound uncommonly fine.

    So here we have a man who is obsessive, frugal, preachy; recycles; uses his communing with nature to inform his poetic musings on the nature of man; and then, in the next paragraph, gives a snarky description of another man’s home.

    I am so in love with Henry David Thoreau.

    The edition that I have borrowed from the library (and sadly, will soon have to return) is the 150th (!) Anniversary edition, an oversized hardback with lush photography of present-day Walden Pond. It is the sleek black Jaguar XK edition of this book. It is beautiful.

    As much as I covet Amazon’s Kindle and its ability to fit 200 books into its seven-and-a-half inch body, its search feature– oh, how I long for the search feature– there is no way it can compare to the experience of supporting the heft of this book, and turning its crisp, smooth pages.

    I just flicked over to Amazon to grab the code for the Kindle link, and read through all the features, and now I really really want the Kindle.

    Thankfully, I have my lovely stoic Henry David Thoreau to stay my hand. He reminds me that putting $399 on my credit card, plus the cost of uploading books thereafter, is a loser’s proposition. After all,

    “The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation…
    But it is a characteristic of wisdom not to do desperate things.”

    Buying things on credit is never the solution. Debt is slavery;

    “Always promising to pay, promising to pay, tomorrow,
    and dying today.”

    Yes, Henry David. I am calmer now.
    I am so lucky to have you here, at my bedside, for another twelve days. So glad to

    “follow the bent of [your] genius,
    which is a very crooked one…”

    A humble house I found in the woods. Wonder who resides within?