Category: Make a Difference: Community & Calls to Action

  • Don’t Tell Dad the Mailbox is Dead

    Don’t Tell Dad the Mailbox is Dead

    Sometimes accidents happen in life

    from which we have need of a little madness

    to extricate ourselves successfully.

    -François de la Rochefoucauld

    On Monday night it snowed.

    After midnight, it changed over into ice- little pellets bouncing in the snow.

    At some point, it slid into a freezing rain, “glazing” what had already fallen. Making it slick and deceptively pretty, but potentially deadly, quite like a Krispy Kreme doughnut.

    I live on a rural road and my house sits ominously between two sharp curves, both indicated by obscenely large signs in screaming yellow. Most cars tend to drive by hesitantly, on tiptoe, as if afraid to disturb us.

    Tuesday morning, I handed Jeff his lunch cooler and coffee mug and told him that the roads seemed fine, people were driving past at a decent clip.

    Apparently I was wrong. As were many of those drivers, I guess, as tow trucks were kept busy all day long.

    At the end of our road is a one lane bridge, and Jeff was forced to swing off the road to avoid a collision from a car that couldn’t or just plain didn’t stop. His car suffered a broken tail light and some body damage.

    Another car came around one of our curves and lost control, driving through my mailbox, sliding down a hill, maiming my magnolia and seriously turfing my front yard.

    Inside the house, the kids and I were completely oblivious to the excitement outside, until a knock at the door revealed a downtrodden and sheepish young man in a sopping wet leather jacket. Water dripping off the end of his nose, he told me he owed me a mailbox. I looked past him and saw the car in the yard, and- I couldn’t help it- clapped my hand over my mouth and laughed.

    “Oh my,” I said. I’m not even kidding. Oh My. It appears that at heart, I am an elderly Southern woman.

    “I’ll pay for it,” he murmured. “The tow truck is on its way.”

    “I’m so sorry,” and he started to back away.

    I felt so sorry for him. He looked like a kicked puppy.

    “It’s okay,” I said. “Are you all right?”

    He nodded and shuffled back up to his car.

    I don’t know, maybe other people know what they’re supposed to do at this point. Call Geico or whatever. I had to do work, but I know what’s really important, so I told Jake to take some pictures for the blog. (They all focused on the screen in the window. Note to self: show Jake how to use camera.)

    The tow truck came, as did, somewhat surprisingly, a police officer, who gave me an incident report (do they have printers in cop cars now or what?) and the guy’s phone number. “He wants to pay for the mailbox,” Officer Freezing Rain told me. I was completely distracted by the form-fitting plastic bag that was protecting his- what? Hat? Cap? Is there a special word for the thing officers wear on their head? “You can settle it between the two of you, or you can go through insurance, it’s up to you.”

    He left before I got up the nerve to ask if I could photograph his head gear.

    Here’s the photos of the carnage.

    The top of the mailbox actually flew into the middle of the road and then someone else hit it, so that it skittered to the edge.

    At this point I decide to call Jeff and tell him the mailbox has gone on to the dead letter office in the sky.

    “Did you get the name and license number?” he asked with suspicion in his voice.

    Uh, no.

    “Did you get his phone number?”

    No. Wait! Yes! I have the incident report thingie.

    “Did you ask him WHEN he was going to buy us our mailbox?”

    Well, no. See, I hadn’t really thought this through. Certainly I didn’t expect him to show up next day with a shiny new mailbox wrapped up in a big red bow, but…

    I got a scolding for being soft-hearted, being too nice. A bleeding heart treehugger liberal. Same old song.

    When I tried to explain that I felt bad for the kid, and I really did think he was going to make good on the mailbox, and that I honestly didn’t care anyway, it wasn’t like I was emotionally attached to our mail receptacle, that only made it worse. Jeff doesn’t believe the things that people say. He pretty much thought that I had been scammed.

    “You are going to call him tonight and demand to know when we are getting our mailbox.”

    Pout.

    But, before we had even finished our dinner, the doorbell rang and there stood Mailbox Boy, checkbook in hand. Jeff gave me a look and said he’d handle it, going outside and shutting the door behind him.

    A while later he came back in. “That kid is a gentleman.”

    Jeff had taken only half the amount the kid had tried to pay.

    “I felt bad for him,” he said.

    I laughed. And he laughed. And it felt so good to laugh at ourselves, after the most stressful, tense, dark month that I can remember living through in a long time. The sound has been so long absent that the kids looked at us doubtfully, not sure how to process this madness.

    Kid drives into our front yard and all we can talk about is how we hope he doesn’t think we’re upset or mad about it. The address on the check is only a few houses away. We worry that he will feel badly every time he drives by. We feel like the guilty parties for not being nicer. And dude, I feel old, getting all mother hen over a kid who must have been at least 24 or 25.

    But I feel good. We could have been nicer, sure, but we were pretty nice. It paid off, reaffirmed my faith in the basic goodness of strangers. I like when that happens.

    Plus, I get to buy a new mailbox 🙂 Whoop whoop!

    Tomorrow it’s supposed to snow, AGAIN. I’m thinking of strategically placing my trash cans…

    ** By sheer coincidence, this post is a very loose interpretation of one of the writing prompts this week in Mama Kat’s Pretty Much World Famous Writing Workshop (photo journal entry of what winter looks like in your town). So we’ll pretend that was totally intentional. Go check out the other entries! **

    Mama's Losin' It

  • The MLK 25 Challenge

    The MLK 25 Challenge

    Everybody can be great…because anybody can serve.

    You don’t have to have a college degree to serve.

    You don’t have to make your subject and verb agree to serve.

    You only need a heart full of grace.

    A soul generated by love.

    -Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

    Once upon a time, a man stood and spoke of a dream.

    He inspired others to dream of a better world. To be better themselves.

    Five years later another man shot him.

    —————————

    Less than two weeks ago a man opened fire in Tucson, Arizona.

    A number of people were killed, among them a little girl, born just one town over from us.

    We may ask ourselves if we’ve shown enough kindness and generosity and compassion to the people in our lives.  Perhaps we question whether we’re doing right by our children, or our community, whether our priorities are in order.

    We recognize our own mortality, and we are reminded that in the fleeting time we have on this Earth, what matters is not wealth, or status, or power, or fame -– but rather, how well we have loved — and what small part we have played in making the lives of other people better…

    We may not be able to stop all evil in the world, but I know that how we treat one another, that’s entirely up to us.

    -Barack Obama, Tucson memorial

    Four years ago some jerkwad kids tipped over a porta-potty under the I-95 bridge in Wilmington, just down the street from my house. Probably on a dare. Maybe to show some bravado. Who knows.

    A DART bus driver was inside. He was paralyzed as a result.

    A few days ago my newspaper reported that they have caught the kid who did it.

    He’s 14. Which means he was 10 at the time.

    Which means he managed to ruin his life before he even started really living it.

    ————————-

    These incidents are by no means equal, or parallel, or comparative. They’re just all on my mind today. I feel like we- just humankind, in general- are hurting, raw, like a scabbed wound that has been freshly broken open.

    It’s just too much. Too much bad news in the world lately and I want to stay in bed in the morning.

    But I can’t. I have to get my kids to school in the morning. Drag my carcass out of my safe place, put on my happy face. My daughter wants to know if there really are bad men in the world. If they have guns. If they can get us.

    I tell her that yes, there are bad men. And yes, sometimes they have guns. But that also there are good people, who love her and protect her. I tell her that the good people far, far outnumber the bad people.

    I change the subject. I speak of silly things, of beautiful things, I point out all the wondrous things in the world. I can’t stop thinking about what I have said. Whether I am a liar.

    I want the world to be a better place. I want to make it that way by any means possible. I want my kids to live in a world that is beautiful and good and a damn sight better than the one I’m living in today.

    I have a dream.

    I want people to sit up, snap out of it. Maybe I’m projecting my own mental funk onto them, I don’t know. But I log on Facebook every day and I see a whole hell of a lot of complaining. I do it too. Here we’ve made a place where we can all be together, hang out, share stories and pictures and news, and most of what I see is bitching about things that can’t be changed.

    The weather. A virus. The fact that somehow, inexplicably, it’s Monday. Again.

    [Side note: approximately 1/7 of your life is Monday. Quit pissing away 1/7 of your life complaining about what freaking day it is.]

    There are a great many things that can be changed. Easily. For the better. Think if, every day, we did one of those things. And we posted that every day along with all our other various sundries. Think how wonderful that would be, scanning down a list of amazing and unique ways our friends and family and neighbors and internet associates make the world a better place.

    I have a dream.

    But, of course, I have no control or influence over what other people do, and while I am content to climb up onto my soapbox here in my personal space, I’m not going to call out people I do love and appreciate (really, I do) over completely normal behavior in a public forum.

    I’m tired of feeling sad and helpless. I need to do something.

    What I can do is change my own habits, my own life. (Again.)

    This time I’m taking the kids with me.

    ——————————-

    Today is MLK Day, which has been declared a day of service. Thousands of people everywhere took advantage of a day off to help their community in some way.

    Well, you already know how I feel about Valentine’s Day. And Mother’s Day. And Earth Day. Show your wife and your mom how you feel every day, dammit, and keep your Hallmark cards to yourself. Show some consideration for the world you share with every other person on earth and plan to one day bequeath to your children- every day. It’s nothing to celebrate, just good manners.

    And for once someone agrees with me. In a manner of speaking. Stick with me here.

    In honor of the 25th anniversary of the King holiday, a challenge has been issued. Recognizing that service is not something we have a holiday for and forget about the rest of the year, but something we should strive to make an everyday part of our lives.

    25 acts of service, of giving of yourself, to people in need, to your community, over the course of the year.

    Life’s most persistent and urgent question is:

    ‘What are you doing for others?’

    -Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

    The website lists 75 ideas to start you off, but the sky is the limit. Possibilities offered are things like write a letter to a soldier. Deliver meals to homebound seniors. Clean up litter from a park. Give blood.

    Things that my kids can easily do, or at least help out with. Chances to do good for others. To see the good, the humanity, in others.

    And in themselves.

    Look, we can give and give and give stuff to our kids. Toys. Lessons. Sports. Trips. We don’t give them nearly enough opportunities to make a difference in someone else’s life. To see themselves as vital, helpful. Good.

    (I’m not saying that’s why we should help people. But it’s a lovely perk, is it not? Why deprive them of that feeling? How can it be wrong to want to be a better person?)

    I just want charity, help to those who will not likely be returning it, to be second nature to them. Normal. A given. Not just one day out of the year, but whenever the opportunity presents itself. And if it doesn’t? We go looking. I bet we don’t have to go far.

    So. 25 acts of service. We’re talking two a month, with a bonus act of kindness for Christmas.

    It makes me want to cry, that such a thing is considered a challenge. Our world is seriously effed up.

    But I like lists and goals and challenges, so awaaaay we go.

    Come with us?

    Tell me: what good thing have you done today?

    Make a rule, and pray God to help you keep it,

    never, if possible,

    to lie down at night without being able to say,

    “I have made one human being, at least,
    a little wiser, a little happier, or a little better this day.”

    -Charles Kingsley

    ** P.S. I did not take this bottom photo. It’s from a stock image site. Here’s the source. **

  • Assignment: Pledge to be nicer

    Assignment: Pledge to be nicer

    Hope this puts a smile on your face! Cass learns how to cross her eyes. An important life skill when you're six.

    I will hold the door for people behind me. I will say “please” and “thank you.” I will smile at strangers. I will compliment people. If I’m not sure whether I should greet someone with a handshake or hug, I will opt for the hug. If I see someone having trouble, I will offer help. I will try to perform at least one Random Act of Kindness a week. I will be grateful. I will not hold grudges. I will always do my best to be humble, empathetic, and honest. I will be mindful and considerate of the people around me. I will be kind to people, animals, and nature. All in all, I promise to be nicer!

    I’ve meant to blog about Melissa over at Operation NICE for a while now. Operation NICE is a project, a blog, a movement that “encourages individuals to be proactively nice.” That’s all. Not asking for donations, your time, your emails, or the sun and stars. Just suggesting that, given the opportunity, it might be nice if you did something nice. For no reason other than it’s the nice thing to do.

    I love this. And I love the fact that Operation NICE is based right here in Philly. (Well, right over there in Philly. Close enough.)

    My resolution a few years back was to be positive. It was partly why I even started this blog, to seek out things to feel good about- the everyday “wayside sacraments.” My default position was always pessimistic and defensive, and I was just tired of being that way. It took me a few months to fully realize that your outlook is entirely defined by your frame of mind, not by external events and factors. That when you let things get you down, you’re letting them get you down. You have a choice. And that when you decide to look at the entire world with unflappability- mind like water– it has a ripple effect. Or, more accurately, an anti-ripple effect. Your refusal to get all worked up about things causes other people to calm down. You realize that things turn out however they’re going to turn out, and getting upset really only affects you.

    Make no mistake. Being positive is hard, hard work at first. People make fun of you.

    Then it becomes a habit. And then it just becomes who you are.

    I like this person much better.

    This year I’m taking the pledge to be proactively nice. Before, I was just refusing to add to the negativity, but now I’m gonna add something positive. It’s going to feel silly at first, I know. I will probably get upset at people not acknowledging how I held the door for them. (I will try not to, but I can foresee this happening.) I’m hoping over time it will become a habit, and then a defining characteristic. That people, when describing me, might use the word… nice.

    I’m pretty sure that’s never happened before.

    Who’s with me? C’mon.

    Pledge to be nicer.

    Always be a little kinder than necessary.
    -James M. Barrie

    Getting money is not all a man’s business:
    to cultivate kindness is a valuable part of the business of life.
    -Samuel Johnson

    Being considerate of others will take your children further in life than any college degree.
    -Marian Wright Edelman

    The best portion of a good man’s life-
    his little, nameless, unremembered acts of kindness and love.
    -William Wordsworth

    I expect to pass through life but once.
    If therefore, there be any kindness I can show,
    or any good thing I can do to any fellow being,
    let me do it now, and not defer or neglect it,
    as I shall not pass this way again.
    -William Penn