jeff1993
Originally uploaded by robin&company

See the big picture? See the guy over on the left, nearly cropped out entirely? See his big honkin’ headphones?

Reader, I married him.

Yes, I know, what a lucky lady am I. He was in the paper. In the Crossroads section. And he was a super cool high schol DJ.

I’m sorry, babe. Not that you would be caught dead reading my blog anyway, but dang, it’s funny that this picture was floating around in cyberspace, waiting patiently to embarass you.

So, there is this wonderful service called Catalog Choice. They seem like a logical place to start in the quest to reduce. Catalog Choice claims that they will

Eliminate unwanted catalogs you receive.
Simplify your life and save natural resources.

Sounds excellent, yes? Yeah, it would be totally righteous- if it worked.

I’ve been using Catalog Choice since Christmas. I have opted out of 51 catalogs. Out of that 51 a measly 12 have stopped arriving in my mailbox.

Curious about who the good guys were? Here they are:

• Crate and Barrel
• Cuddledown
• CWD Kids
• Duluth Trading Co.
• Duncraft
• Hanna Andersson
• L.L. Bean
• National Wildlife Direct
• Smith & Hawken
• Sundance
• Van Bourgondien

Thank you for acknowledging my desire not to have to carry large boxes full of catalogs up a flight of stairs to my car to be recycled. I salute you.

So, 12 out of 51. Less than 25%, and ironically, most of these were the catalogs I didn’t mind flicking through and stealing ideas from.

Now, the baddies fall into two categories. The first say, yes, we got your request, but we are ignoring you for the moment:

American Girl – Bliss- Chadwick’s- Chasing Fireflies – Company Kids – Free People- Golfsmith- NorthStyle- Olive Juice Kids- One Step Ahead – Plow & Hearth – Popcorn Factory- Posh Tots Child Décor & Gift- Pottery Barn – Pottery Barn Kids- Sahalie- Sensational Beginnings- Solutions- Talbots .

The second group pretends they never got the memo:

Back to Basics Toys – Ballard Designs- Boden- Caswell-Massey- Doctors Foster & Smith- Frontgate- Harbor Freight Tools- Home Decorators Collection- J. Crew- Oriental Trading Company- Red Envelope- Victoria’s Secret.

(Now, for the most part, I have never ordered from any of these catalogs. I did get some things from One Step Ahead, but my youngest daughter is nearly four, for god’s sake, she doesn’t need babyproofing gear anymore. I love Free People but I’ve only ever bought their clothes on closeout at Urban Outfitters. I am not their optimal shopper. Why are they still sending me catalogs?)

Fossil and Garnet Hill flat out refused. No, don’t care that you don’t want the catalogs and have indicated you are not interested in our products. Nope, doesn’t matter that you’ve never ordered from us before. Just gonna keep on killing trees and burning fuel in the hope that maybe you’ll break down and buy an ugly watch or ridiculously overpriced linens. FOSSIL AND GARNET HILL: I WILL NEVER BUY YOUR CRAP BECAUSE YOU WILL NOT LEAVE ME ALONE. SPECIFICALLY FOR THAT REASON.

J.Jill is crafty. To opt out of a J.Jill catalog you need your customer code. Guess what? J.Jill doesn’t print your customer code on the catalog. Snaps for creativity, but I still won’t wear your clothes, even if I find it at Goodwill, on sale.

Quick Goodwill Digression: 50% off at my store from May 26th through the 29th. Check your local store: 50% off dirt cheap can’t be beat.

So if the catalog companies get to ignore your request, why bother with Catalog Choice? It seems time-consuming and pointless.

Well, at least I know who the bad guys are and badmouth them on a public forum. I do appreciate having that info at my fingertips. But since they’re screwing with my Reduce mission, I am putting them on notice. I will be sending email. I will making phone calls. I will be writing whatever bulldog companies I can think of. I will complain to my local paper. I can be incredibly annoying when I set my mind to it.

These people are invading my home, waggling their wares in front of my kids, trying to make them think that they are the “good” mail, the “fun” mail, and I am tired of it. I have not “Friend”-ed them, they are not welcome here, and I am going to give them a good talking to. Stay tuned.