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  • The Coupon Interview Experiment

    The Coupon Interview Experiment

    farmers market haul

    A man is rich in proportion to

    the number of things he can afford to let alone.

    -Henry David Thoreau

    My In-Real-Life buddy Danielle Liss saw Extreme Couponing for the first time last week. (If you haven’t seen it, click on the link and watch some of the clips.) Danielle asked friends from all areas of the blog world to participate in an interview regarding groceries and coupons. I am incapable of refusing such a request, as Danielle owns many many many unflattering photographs of my teen years.

    If you want to participate, please feel free to copy the questions. Danielle plans to post a link to all of the answers, so send your link to dsliss [at] gmail [dot] com.

    1.  Do you use coupons for groceries?

    On occasion, but the majority of coupons are for items that just barely qualify as food, let alone good food. In our local paper you’ll periodically see coupons for Seventh Generation, Marcal recycled paper products, Sun & Earth detergents, yeast, Newman’s Own, and I’ll use those.

    2.  What is the primary source of your coupons?

    I get the Sunday edition of the Wilmington News Journal; I follow brands I’m loyal to on FB, Twitter and/or by email and sometimes coupons pop up that way. I also subscribe to Moms Need to Know via RSS and scan Mindi’s grocery store/coupon matchups (local to PA and includes Whole Foods) for anything that looks good; she links you up to the printable coupons. (Mindi, you need an organic category for people coming to the site for the first time.)

    3.  Have you ever purchased food that you would not normally eat because you have a coupon? Remember any examples?

    Have I ever? Suuuure. I went through a period of intense frugality when I wouldn’t buy anything without a coupon, and also bought things simply because they were such a good deal with the coupon.

    One would think I’d have been introduced to a lot of great new brands that way, but I honestly can’t think of a time when that happened even once. Today, I won’t even look twice at a coupon unless it’s something I plan to buy anyway.

    4.  When you grocery shop, what are the most important factors in your food choices?

    Is this real food? Is it packed with preservatives, HFCS, food coloring, sugar? Does it involve an unconscionable amount of packaging? Can I recycle the packaging? Is it organic?

    Is it going to make me feel bad about myself, on an ethical level for buying it, on a parenting level for feeding it to my kids, on a personal level if I eat it myself and it makes me feel ill?

    5.  Do you use reusable bags? Why or why not?

    I do, but not as often as I should (i.e. every time). I am really bad about forgetting them lately.

    I do recycle the plastic ones we use (cat litter can or return to store) and the paper ones (hold paper recycling). Plastic never goes away, it just breaks down into itty-bitty pieces, winding up contaminating our soil and water and working its way up the food chain.

    6.  If you had a coupon, would you purchase a stockpile of items because of the deal?

    No. I might buy two.

    Expiration dates sneak up on you more quickly than you expect, people eat more when there’s more to eat, we lose power on a regular basis out here in the boonies and things spoil. Stockpiling is a good way to waste food, in my opinion. And clutter in your house keeps the good energy from moving around, that’s bad feng shui. (I’m not sure if I’m kidding about that or not.)

    7.  Do you plan your meals in advance? What do you base your meal plan on?

    I loosely plot out seven dinners. Some weeks I get more organized and plan the meals so that the leftovers factor into later dinners. My family is really literal so if I commit the meal plan to paper or internet, I’m locked in.

    The meal plan reflects what’s in season at the farmer’s market, or what was on sale at the store that week. It has to fit our schedule (crockpot meals on nights when it’s my turn to take a kid to soccer practice, etc). Since I pay more for free-range and organic, it’s really important that everything gets eaten. I hate to waste food or money.

    8.  Have you ever tried to coupon to get items for free or close to nothing? How did it go? Do you still coupon?

    Band-aids (we go through a lot of bandages, we are hands-on-yet-clumsy folk) occasionally go on sale for a dollar a box, so with a doubled coupon you get it for free. Ditto for Pringles, or Kool-Aid (yuck) which Jeff likes in his lunches sometimes; I refuse to pay good money for that crap.

    9.  Last one – What do you blog about? (Or, as we learned in Bloggy Bootcamp, what’s your elevator pitch?)

    simple.green.organic.happy. is a series of musings on green living, playful parenting, and the pursuit of happiness. By treading lightly on the earth, raising upstanding human beings, and finding beauty, complexity & happiness in my own backyard, I’m trying to become a better person and leave the world a better place. I hope others may be inspired to join me.

    Thrift is not an affair of the pocket, but an affair of character.

    -S.W. Straus

    A few unsolicited observations:

    I don’t have cable, and I haven’t seen Extreme Couponing, but my inexpert opinion is that some people are desperately clinging to a illusion of security and control that is misleading and unhealthy.

    It’s one thing to feed your family on $50 a week if that is the very very most you could possibly afford (although even then you’d be better served with some packets of seeds and some careful meal plans; I talked about this in SPAM is not the answer). It’s quite another to spend so little because with enough time and coupons, you can. It’s immensely freeing to give money away, and my experience has been that when you release money “into the wild,” when you let go of some of its power over you: that’s when the universe becomes more generous. I hate to get all New Age-y but I cannot deny the karma.

    Also, what extreme couponers are not taking into account is the long-term costs of that kind of diet. **slapping on my Food Police badge and bracing for impact** I am totally behind Jamie Oliver when he says sending a Lunchables into school with your child is a form of child abuse, even if you got it for free. Kids are only capable of eating what we provide for them, and if what we provide is processed, sugar-laden, pesticide-covered, BPA-laced (and contributes to the well-being of factory farms, which comes with its own host of health problems), then we are setting our kids up for a lifetime of improper eating habits. Which we KNOW is not healthy for them. If we KNOWINGLY lay the building blocks for an unhealthy future, that is, at the very least, neglect.

    Food is central to our health and well-being and should not be something we pride ourselves in finding bottom-basement prices for. If ever there was a place for quality over quantity: this is it.

    Lastly, I can’t get over the business model of printing millions of coupon booklets, which only a small percentage of people actually clip, and I would guess most of those clipped coupons expire before they are redeemed. Why can’t we put a better e-couponing system into place?

    If you have opinions about coupons please play along, ’cause Danielle is my friend & I like her.

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  • How One Tiger Mom Got Her Stripes

    How One Tiger Mom Got Her Stripes

    This is my Tiger Mom.

     

    The hardest part of raising a child is teaching them to ride bicycles.

    A shaky child on a bicycle for the first time needs
    both support and freedom.

    The realization that this is what the child will always need can hit hard.

    -Sloan Wilson

    Sometime around the new year, the Wall Street Journal dropped an atomic bomb on the online parenting world and called it “Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior.”

    It was the first time that I’d read an account of parenting that resembled my own upbringing without it being followed by the words, “And that’s why I’m so messed up.” Even better, it did so with humor, and without shame.

    For a fleeting moment, I felt a sense of solidarity, and validation. I thought Chua’s approach made a lot of sense. I wondered if I was being too soft on my own kids— and believe me when I say my kids would never in a million years think to describe me as “soft.”

    And then I started reading the comments.

    Whoops, turns out my childhood was criminally abusive! By loving and accepting my mom in spite of her being so hard on me, it appears I may suffer Stockholm syndrome.

    Come on. I think we can all agree the truth lies somewhere in the middle.

    I bring up Tiger Mom because the whole debate has made me reflect, quite a lot, on the hows and whys of the way I was raised. And how my own parenting is both a reflection of that, and a counter-reaction to it, especially now as my kids all start hitting the teen and tween years. (I will have at least one teenager in the house for the next 13 years. ENVY ME.) And how quick we are to judge those whose parenting styles differ from our own, when just about every parenting philosophy has its solid points.

    It depends on the kid. It depends on the parent. Why is that so hard to accept?

    She wasn’t one for dispensing advice, but these are vital lessons I learned from my Tiger Mom:

    “You don’t need help; you can do it yourself.” I learned how to do my own laundry, how to clean the house, how to cook, how to clip & redeem coupons, how to make a grocery list and pack a grocery cart at a very seriously young age. And then my mother MADE ME DO THEM. All the time. She NEVER picked up my slack. Naturally at the time I assumed this was because these weren’t my real parents and they had taken me in only to do their chores; now I am every bit as strict with my own kids so that they will enter adulthood prepared, and make someone a good spouse one day.

    “This is for your own good. It hurts me more than it hurts you.” Something my mom would say when I was being punished. I always assumed she was being flip and super mean, but as I take privileges away now I GET IT. It’s hard to be mean mom, to know that I’m the source of your current misery. It would be so easy to give in and drive you to the dance, or let you go to that party. (And sometimes I do, if I think you’ve learned your lesson, a flexibility my own mother never had.) But actions have consequences, someone has to be the adult and follow through, and unfortunately it looks like that lot falls to me.

    “It’s OK if you hate me. That means I’m doing my job.” I never imagined I’d say these words as often as I do. And mean them.

    “You are not your brother.” Now, I haven’t actually read Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mom yet (it’s on my Kindle, I just haven’t had time) but it’s my understanding that it actually chronicles how Chua’s Tiger Mom approach worked for ONE child, and NOT AT ALL for the other. I always hated the way my parents had different rules with my brother than they did for me, and it’s only since I’ve had to deal with multiple children that I understand. My brother and I are very different people. I was an exceedingly shy & timid child; I needed to be pushed hard or else I’d be perfectly content staying in my room alone, forever. My brother needed a different sort of discipline and encouragement, and he got it in spite of my cries of “UNFAIR!!” For a parent to figure out their children’s varying needs and adjust to that while navigating their sibling’s sense of justice and keeping things “even steven”… it’s a tricky business that thankfully I have some experience with, even if I only take away what didn’t work.

    “I am not _____’s mom.” We don’t parent in a vacuum. Another tricky business, sticking to our guns while not being judgmental of other parents (and not caring how we ourselves are being judged). My mom & Amy Chua had this down pat!

    “One day you will have kids of your own and you’ll understand. You’ll appreciate me then.” It’s true. I get it now, Mom. One day my kids will get it too. I hope that I’m still around when that realization breaks— my mom died before I could tell her about my newfound appreciation.

    The fact is, we all have a little Tiger Mom in us.

    Don’t think so? Let’s revisit the quote I opened with…

    “The hardest part of raising a child is teaching them to ride bicycles.
    A shaky child on a bicycle for the first time needs both support and freedom.
    The realization that this is what the child will always need can hit hard.”

    The hardest part of teaching a kid to ride bicycles, I would venture to say, is letting them fall off. Because you have to learn how to fall.

    And giving them their hugs and kisses… and then stepping back and saying, “Get back on that bike.” And not taking no for an answer.

    That is the essence of the Tiger Mom. Hardening my heart against you, for your own good.

    It’s not easy, and it’s not so terrible, either.

    Sometimes turning into my mother is not the worst thing in the world.

     

    What parenting advice or lesson did your mother give you,
    that you take to heart now as a mom?

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    Mother’s Day is approaching, and I hope that everyone will take the time to tell their own mothers how much they appreciate everything they’ve done for them— not just the easy lovey-dovey stuff, but the tough love that was as hard for them to give as it was to receive.

    I hope we can all reach out to other moms and tell them what fine children they are raising, or how we respect a parenting decision they’ve made, even if it wouldn’t work for our family. We all second-guess ourselves all the time. We’ve all wondered if we’re screwing our kids up. Give someone a little third-person reassurance that they’re just fine. Or let a new mom or mom-to-be know that she will rock this mom gig.

    Not in a half-ass, last minute kind of way, either. Tiger Mom wouldn’t approve of that. That’s why I’m nagging you a month ahead of time.

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    Check out the Mother’s Day greeting cards for all sorts of moms— mom friends, moms, mothers-in-law— they’ve got over at Tiny Prints. You want to tell her she’s doing a great job as a mom or thank her for being there for you? They have the card for that (including one that says Hey Mom, I Blame You. **snicker**).

    100% of their photo cards, products and packaging now feature eco-friendly recycled paper, from beautiful stationery created with custom-made Signature Recycled Matte paper to green invitations printed on Forest Stewardship Council-certified Smooth Matte paper. Plus, not only are they a Certified Green Business, but Tiny Prints works with the Arbor Day Foundation to plant thousands of trees in the U.S. forests to replace all of the trees used to make their paper each year.

    Tiny Prints provides simple, modern and unique stationery from Father’s Day Cards to personalized greeting cards to thank you cards, business cards, and even custom wedding invitations or photo birth announcements. Offering exclusive designs from the nation’s top designers, easy card personalization, a powerful preview engine and top-notch customer service and paper quality, their designs have been lauded by numerous television networks, publications and celebrities. With Tiny Prints by your side commemorating every holiday and momentous occasion is a cinch! They offer perfect party invitations for every occasion and memorable personalized photo-gifts like notebooksphoto books and calendars to commemorate the event.

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    Disclosure: This is a sponsored post. I will receive a Tiny Prints card credit in exchange for writing about my mother’s parenting advice— stay tuned to see how I’ll use that credit to support other moms this Mother’s Day! 🙂

    If you are interested in learning more about my mother’s story, you can find that here.

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  • Winner! Hersheypark Gift Card

    Comment #13… Jeff! Enjoy!