Sometimes you have to lose to win.

Soy un perdedor
I’m a loser baby, so why don’t you kill me?

-Beck, “Loser”

 

On Friday I ran an evening 5K with some of my Philly Social Media Moms (from left, that’s Stephanie, Jo-Lynne, Whitney, Heather, Barbara and yours truly).

 

photo credit on both goes to Jo-Lynne

 

Now, I kinda fell off the running wagon during the heat of summer. I was super busy between work and the kids being home, and also, it was freaking hot and humid and I just didn’t wanna. I’ll admit it.

I pulled myself together mid-August and I’ve been running pretty consistently since then, but very low-pressure. I backtracked to maybe week 4 of Couch to 5K and have been running the intervals as instructed.

I still don’t love running, but I was getting out there and doing the work and I was OK with that.

A few weeks ago Jo-Lynne let us know she was running the West Chester STOMPS Cancer 5K and wanted to know who else was in. I figured, I’d be running Friday anyway… why not run with friends and do it for charity (funds go to help pay the bills of families battling cancer). Again, no pressure, just was planning to go and get ‘er done and maybe have a drink and a little adult conversation for my sanity. It had been a rough week.

Then another friend, Kat, happened to resurrect the photo of me and Jake after the YMCA 5K…

 

 

…which had my time on it. 31:27.

OK. So now, I’m feeling a little pressure. I kinda feel I should beat that time.

Did I?

HA. No. Not even close. I ran 33:11.

What the what? I ran 3.3 miles earlier that week in 35 minutes, and that factors in 10 minutes of walking (warmup/cooldown).

I don’t know how it happened, really. My GPS app didn’t start at the starting line like I would have liked it to, and I didn’t notice until I first slowed to a walk. I started it then, and it tracked 2.01 miles to the finish at 20:48. A pace of 10:24/mile.

Which means, the first mile that I ran straight was a minute slower than the back two miles where I ran/walked (I think I walked 4 times: at the first hill; once after hitting the midway mark at 15:12 and realizing there was no water station, once when I realized I’d hit 31 minutes and wasn’t going to match my old time, and when I hit that hill again).

Or maybe it means that the GPS on my phone is wonky and my logged runs haven’t been quite as long as I thought they were.

I was pretty bummed.

And then I got kinda mad.

Once I saw the finish line, I powered up the last hill. I went fast. I had plenty left in me. I could have run harder.

Take a look at the spots where I walked. That’s all mental, kids. I gave myself permission to take breaks. I could have kept running.

That first mile I took it way easy. I was trying to save something for the end, but I didn’t use it. I could have run faster.

It doesn’t matter a whole lot as the rest of my ladies smoked me, but that part doesn’t bother me. I was only racing against myself, but dude, I totally lost.

(It didn’t help that Jeff very helpfully pointed out that he could walk a 5K in 35 minutes.)

It’s worth pointing out that the Y course was flat and fast, while this one had some hills. Doesn’t matter, though. It all boils down to the fact that I got in my own way. I didn’t come close to giving it my all.

The upshot is that I’m now training towards something. When I run now, I’m working to get faster. Stronger. I’ll pay closer attention to things like pacing. I’m buying myself a GPS watch for my birthday (a week from today!) so I’ll have more accurate data to work with.

I’ve been running because I felt like I should. I don’t love it. I was just aware that I needed to do this, for my health, to set a good example for my kids.

Now I’m running because I want to. I don’t want to run, understand. I want to run harder, faster, longer.

I want to win the race against myself.

That’s what they call motivation, friends. I gots it now.

It’s on. Like Donkey Kong.

Wish me luck.

 

 

Random postscripts:

• Yes, I pulled my hair back before the run. I’m not crazy, I’m just drawn that way.
• I’m a loser, but I think I looked kinda fly in my Mizuno Wave Creations, MPG PAX tank top and capri skirt, which doesn’t seem to be available right now. More on the clothes and the kicks, which were provided to me by Mizuno and Mondetta, on Friday.
• Should soccer-scheduling and husband-understanding cooperate, the plan is to run again October 13th in another YMCA run at Lums Pond.